Monthly Archives: June 2012

camping trip

camping trip
I love camping. My family went quite a bit when we were kids–basically any family vacation that wasn’t to my grandparents’ home in Florida was a camping trip. Waking up to cool early mornings, the complete darkness at night besides a flickering fire–it was such an adventure as a kid.

We’re mulling over a move to the Bay Area, and one of the perks of living there that I’ve invented is our ability to go camping on weekends! Hiking, grilling outside, and best of all, the greatest excuse not to have a computer around. Yes, I could enjoy weekends like that.

{Sleeping Bag / Lantern / Uno / Hoodie / Wellies / Coffee Pot}

what do you do for fun?

kate spade cards
My husband’s new job entails a lot of travel to and from San Francisco, which means I have extra time on my hands for five days every other week. It’s becoming clear I need to get some hobbies so I don’t go completely nuts. Hobbies outside of blogging/pinterest, that is!

What do you like to do? I’ve started pilates classes, which are great, but I’m on the hunt for something a little more social too.

{Playing Cards}

it is the stars

melancholia

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my accident. For those that are newer readers to this blog, I was hit head on by a drunk driver when I was visiting home for a wedding. The other driver was killed instantly, and I was badly hurt. The list goes like this: wrist crushed, two vertebrae fractured, broken sternum, broken leg, stretched ACL, and my small intestine was torn in several places.

It took 8 months to feel more or less normal physically–normal being I wasn’t completely conscious of my knee wobbling when I walked. I still can’t run, I still look funny going up and down stairs, and I will probably need my ACL repaired once we get health insurance back this summer. My wrist hasn’t fully healed yet either–while there’s a plate holding most of it together, some of the bones were so thoroughly pulverized there was simply nothing to screw together, and those are slow to heal. So sometimes I have no problem hauling around a ton of shopping bags, and other times simply zipping the back of a dress is excruciating.

People who have near-death or traumatic experiences often have a particular clarity about life afterwards. It’s frightening how quickly that feeling can fade away. I think that’s recovery though–living with a total recall of such a traumatic experience, while motivating to live well, is also its own hell. It’s hard to move on in that state, and everything feels threatening. Now, the whole month after the accident, easily the worst experience of my life, is abstract. The agonizing days are vague to me. The feelings I had about not being able to bathe or dress myself, the struggle to walk across the house–I know I felt these things, but I cannot place myself easily in that time anymore.

I suspect I experienced facets of PTSD this year. There were some dark periods, when I was more or less afraid to leave the apartment. Realizing how little control you have over your life, beyond the choice to wear a seat belt (which absolutely saved my life!), is terrifying. At least for me. You can do everything right, and then someone decides to get in a car after a night of heavy drinking.

Which brings me to my semi-crisis with my blog. TCAY is fairly focused on the pretty things, which didn’t always reflect my feelings throughout this year. I really struggled with blogging a few times. I’m still trying to figure out a solution–something that better reflects my life, while still being a blog about my style and taste. I will never be a full-on lifestyle blogger as it’s a very self-conscious exercise for me, but I’m also uncomfortable with the balance of the pretty things vs. real. I’m sure this is an experience a lot of style-focused bloggers have, it’s just been particularly pressing to me since life was quite difficult at times this year.

Something I’m not at all conflicted about, oddly, is a little side project I started: Fancy + Pretty. I know. We just discussed this. Hear me out: This year was the year of make-up tutorial videos for me. When I had trouble sleeping–because for a long time I only saw my accident happening before I went to sleep–I’d stay up on Youtube and watch make-up tutorials. They were completely cathartic: the step-by-step process, the list of products. It was transfixing. And I’ve always been weirdly into cosmetics. I have fairly low price limits in my minds for things like shirts and lamps, but good lord will I pay $40 for a small tube of Dior exfoliant! I just love the transformative promise of make-up. I really, really do. So that blog exists now.

As for the image above, it’s for a bit of continuity. My last post before the accident was a passage from a very good writer, attached to a picture I took of the sunset over Joshua Tree. I wrote that I was grateful: “There is beauty and kindness in my small part of the universe.” This is still true. Life is hard, but we can make it beautiful.

{Image still from Melancholia}

elizabeth blitzer’s office

Elizabeth Blitzer in Lonny
Disclosure: Elizabeth is my husband’s cousin, a fact we only realized after I had started interning at Lonny a year ago (she does Lonny’s PR). It is a small, small decorating world!

Elizabeth Blitzer’s office, featured in this month’s Lonny, is adorably traditional, with a twist of glam. Lady is not afraid of color either!

To see the rest of the charming office in Lonny, click here.